The Dark Enigma…

Learning to co-exist with your darkness is an ongoing journey, it has been for me to say the least. I have tried to ignore it for the better part of my life, but that can be very destructive.

So many have us have been lectured in reducing emotional outburst by reducing displays of weakness, this in turn will create barriers in the perfect balance of darkness and light within yourself. That is why many of us are off balance and become very aggressive and resort to violent tendencies, all because they have been taught to push down any sort of bad behavior.

I viewed a video that demonstrates what I am trying to explain perfectly, he is outside and has a jar filled with clear water. He compares the water to our soul as we enter this world, pure and filled with light. He then adds dirt to the jar and states this is the tainted emotions we are bombarded with that leaves us feeling insecure, unhappy, critical, joyless. It is our duty to overfill our cups (souls) with more water (positivity) until it runs clear, we will face darkness (dirt) daily, but we must be vigilant by refilling our cups daily with water (light) until it runs clean again. The true test is how we face our obstacles and move on that really gives us strength and an appreciation for the light we all hold inside.

We all begin our lives with a clean slate so to speak, our souls are then bombarded with external positive and negative influences, it is our choice on which path we follow.

It is important that we still let these emotions flow through in a healthy manner. Otherwise it will cause an influx and will overshadow our light. I firmly believe in utilizing coping mechanisms and strategies with our darkness. Many will say, eat well, exercise, think positive or smile. All are great tactics but do not serve you in releasing that darkness. For me, when I’m angry I find reprieve in breaking plates specifically. Yes, you’ve read correctly. We hide our dark side behind what some may call our persona, the word is derived from the Latin word that means “mask” this can represent all the different masks we wear among different groups of people or situations. We become afraid our deepest darkest thoughts, perversions or traits would be mocked, so we try and repress them deep down and from experience it never works out. It is essential to find like minded people that can relate and understand your situation and concerns, they may help you in finally embracing your darkness.

I masked my hatred, anger and pessimistic behaviors from the outside world for such a long time that I no longer felt empathy, love or joy. The facade I portrayed was of a woman that had it together, was happy and emphatic but inside I was filled with hate. Completely forgetting how to feel any sort of positive emotion, I had difficulties controlling my anger to the point of becoming hateful and very aggressive. There have been instances I have caused fear and anxiety onto others and I did not feel any remorse for my words or actions. These past few years have been a series of lessons, heartaches and milestones in my growth since I have started unpacking my emotional baggage and confronting my darkness. My soul’s fulfillment has been the first step in implementing constructive changes within myself, I feel like I have equipped myself with the tools necessary to handle my emotions better.

I remember visiting with a local Medium and she explained to me that the spirit world is a direct reflection of the physical world and we mimic our lives here on earth on the other side. She explained that all souls live on different vibrations in the spirit world, there are different tiers so to speak on the other side for lack of better words. Meaning, if you were a negative person and was selfish, demonstrated destructive behaviors towards others, your soul would gravitate towards a lower tier and vibration souls in the spirit world. She touched on my best friends passing and mentioned that she was a pure soul and was placed on the highest tier and would act as a guardian for all the children entering the spirit world. It gave me chills, because here on earth, she worked with children facing emotional and physical abuse and her selflessness and dedication in ensuring their safety was her priority. She lost her life on route to helping a local child at a nearby school, she earned her wings and was rewarded in the highest honor possible. Stories about the spiritual world had not been the first I had heard of; my mother had also described her personal encounter with her near death experience and the similarities were astounding. I have also read several books that depicts very similar experiences.

I would recommend reading the following book;

Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing by Anita Moorjani.

It was recommended by the Medium I visited, she has been a godsend in helping me navigate my new realities of loss and grief by understanding how she viewed souls that have passed away. She expressed that our loved ones who have passed no longer feel pain, hurt, sadness or any other negative emotion. She told me that my best friend could not comprehend the sadness and emptiness I was feeling with her being gone, in her mind all she felt was joy and didn’t understand why I didn’t feel the same way. She wanted me to be happy and live my life without any barriers.

More then ever we are now being called to serve our true paths, the more we resist, the unhappier we become. Let go, I know it’s scary but it will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself. Do not be afraid to become who you were always meant to be all along. We are happiest when we serve our soul, in turn we will share our higher vibrations onto others and attract positivity in return.

Given our current situation in regards to the Covid-19 Virus. I have been stressed and worried, but then I witness actions of pure intent, such as; a local painting company donating over 300 Professional Grade Respirator Masks to the Hospital in effort to help protect the men and women working in our healthcare system.This gives me hope and confirmation that through darkness there are still individuals out there that become a beacon of light in times of despair.

We are tested every single day, to become the best versions of ourselves, do not wallow in fear, anger or hate. Let the emotions flow through by utilizing your own coping mechanisms. If you are wondering what you can do or how you can help in this current situation, stay home with your loves ones and count your blessings that you are all safe and sound. Send out positive vibes for everyone that is out on the front lines, separated from their loved ones and are making sure we still have the necessities we depend on. My only hope is that after this ordeal we learn and rise above the chaos and become stronger then ever as a whole. The days of thinking for ourselves are long gone, through this we will learn to unite and become more compassionate and empathetic. We are in this together, be the light in other’s darkness and turmoil, we can change for the better one person at a time.  

“If you want to increase your joy today, do something for another person that increases theirs. We Reap what we sow.”

Mrs Money Queen